Also! Other things!

I'm spending the weekend at the Hanaoka house, so I'm going to quickly try to summarize the main things I've done in the past 2 months.

Naganuma International Festival!

This was at a high school, and all of the rotary students, and also some other foreigners came and looked foreign. We sat at booths with a stamp of our country's name, and also markers. We stamped little passport books, and also signed T-shirts of the students who came around. It actually ended up being fun, as we went outside to teach them how to throw a boomarang, I led the entire festival in the Hokey Pokey, got to command a small platoon of Japanese High Schoolers to fill out forms for me and also when I got home it turned out I had some girls phone number written on the back of my T- shirt. However- can anyone tell me why I don't look happy in this picture? This should be a great moment in my life, but I'm all "whatever"... am I getting desensitized?

Yosakoi!




This was a crazy dance festival today. The streets were filled with people doing slight variations on the same basic traditional dance in flamboyant costumes. And also, sometimes it was to techno remixes of a traditional fishing song. JAPAN!!!


And thats what I've done in the past 2 months. That and watch a lot of Japanese TV. And read comics. However its pretty exciting..

On TV, there are 2 main shows I like- one which translates to something like "Absolute Boyfriend", and is like 3s company, only with 2 guys, and one is actually a robot, and they work for a baking company and the big bakeoff is coming up and also the robot works in a bar. The other is "7 female lawyers", and its like someone has reached into my dreams and stolen my idea for the greatest TV show ever. The reason why I love this one so much is because in Futurama, there was a joke about a TV show named Single Female Lawyer, and the title of this show, which is completely serrious, is only one word off. I've only seen part of one eppisode, but its my absolute favorite thing ever broadcast. The part I saw, 2 of the team (they work at a law firm called, honestly, 7 female lawyers.) were watching a magic show. The magician made a knife dissapear, and minutes later, his protege was found backstage stabbed by the same knife. And at the trial, the magician said that the MAGICIANS CODE PREVENTED HIM FROM REVEALING WHAT HE DID TO THE KNIFE! So, the 7 female lawyers did some investigating of their own, which came down to them timing themselves running. Also, one of the lawyers is actually a medical examiner, I think. I didn't finnish the episode, because I know if I ever watch a full episode, all non female lawyer team based TV will become obsolete. Also, in the comic I'm reading, Freddie Mercurys horse ate a banana and a robot became a christian and then got overloaded in confessional. Its, uh, hard to exlain.

Also, my class is doing Hairspary for the school festival and I must ask- should I get a pompadour?

Tokyo! and Pictures of Pikachu

Well, its been like 2 months since I wrote a blog post and let me tell you, I saw at least 2 enormous Pikachus in that interval. Also, I went to Tokyo. Tokyo is an awesome city, but kind of hard to explain. Tokyo itself isn't that big, but the metropolitain area incorporates many other fairly large cities, that kind of all have a different theme to them... Think of it this way- a normal city is an octopus, but Tokyo is a giant squid. And also, instead of tentacles, it has smaller, but still fairly large, other squids that belong to the main central nervous system of the master squid, but also operate independantly. And each of these smaller squids also has a theme, like "this small squid deals in electric goods!", or "this small squid is full of fashion!". And thats my explanation.
This is Tokyo station. Its actually not that cool. Just a train station.

this is alot more exciting! its a coi! The most disgusting fish I've ever seen! It was infront of Koukyo, which is in the centre of town. I hate this fish so much, but it also kind of impressess me. It has gumption, I'll give it that.
This is my host family at the time, Hanaoka family, and me in front of it. I asked an American fellow to take this in englsih, but couldn't remember how to request a photo. It was uncomfortable for everyone.

This is Akihabara. Its the aforementioned electric squid town, where guys in their 30s go to drown all hopes of social acceptance in clothing for dolls (!), graphic novels about maids (!!) and retro gaming shops. Nothing in my time in Japan had, or really could have, prepared me for this. After I went here, I suddenly felt incredibly cool, by comparison. Plus- I bought presents here! I hope everyone likes figurines!!


These charming fellows are from Waseda University in Tokyo. This was the second time that day I met them. They were interviewing people about their opinions on Tokyo, and they asked me how Tokyo differs from Sapporo. Nothing about foreign country. Just Sapporo. It was a weird moment of vindication for me.
The cold, metalic taste of nostalgia, true love and lightning.
This is from the worlds most tragic ammusement park. Its located nixt to Asakusa, which is a big shrine and market type deal. It is home to Japans oldest roller coaster (Verdict- terrifying for the fact that its mostly made of wood and rust), a lot of vending machines and the "Seven Lucky Fortune Ranger!" show, from which this photo was taken. That ninja, by the way, was a really bad interviewer.
This is the statue of liberty, and also a terifying dog man.


In Harajuku, I went into the main headquarters for my cell phone company and they had a fountain attended to by robotic squirrels, and also a 3 story treasure hunt. And, I bought a backpack.

This all happened in one day, and it was kind of confusing. I didn't take as many pictures as I would have liked to, but, I did ride a panda car. So thats something.

I'm the worst at researching urban sprawl. Seriously guys, if you are having a researching urban sprawl competition, you don't want me on your team.

This is Shiroishi, which is a nice enough town, but also has the most poorly planned transportation infrastructure ever. This town hates straight lines, road maintanence and also apparently thinks its funny to have a sidewalk that at one point shoehorns itself into a line of pointy trees, and if you actually manage to get through the horrible pine scented deathtrap, is a dead end. I don't want to talk about Shiroishi any more.
Also, between Shiroishi and Atsubetsu is a station named Heiwa, but my train doesn'T stop there... I don't know why. It just goes on by, all "Forget you, Heiwa", so I decided not to take a picture of it either. But, it has this really cool tube to walk in over the tracks. I will find a train to Heiwa someday, just to walk in the tube.
This is Sapporo from far away... That tall building with the ridiculous floating roof is Sapporo station, which is the tallest building in Hokkaido. You may be dissapointed by the lack of pictures of my trip, but I have an excuse- my hands were cold. When I started riding, it was nice weather, but by the time I hit Atsubetsu, a rainstorm had started, and in Sapporo, it started snowing. The day before, about 40 F, and the day after about 47 F. Wuluwaid, Aboriginal rain god, you just made my list!
This is a bridge. Bridges are used to cross things. I crossed this bridge.

This is me, in front of Sapporo station. As you can see, I am now a broken man, and also incredibly fit. That is what biking is for. Fitness and disalusionment. So, I guess I should sum up what I learned by biking what is, according to my revolutionary "holding my fingers as far apart as google maps says is 4 km is, or there abouts" method of measuring, a round trip of 60km. Well, biking is fun, and is totally going to replace walking for me... which I guess is kind of the point of biking. Replacing walking. So, I guess I didn't learn so much about urban sprawl as I did about the nature of invention- to replace other things? I will look urban spwarl up on wikipedia tomorrow, and then try to compare what I saw with what the internet says it is, but now I'm going to bed.

I don't know how to use google maps, apparently.

Well, I have been back in school for a week, so I haven't had that much time to update a blog, but I just had a pretty fun trip this weekend that I thought I should write about. FIrst, I should mention that I'm now a 3rd year student, and I actually have class responsibilities now- I'm going to be taking care of the 3rd year student's garden! If anyone has any sweet gardening tips (and really, what gardening tips aren't sweet), please teach them to me!
Anyway, this is me standing outside my house, in the outskirts of a town called Ebetsu. I would show you a map relating how far it is from Sapporo, but I found out I have no idea how to work a computer. If you want to try your hand at google maps or whatever, look for Ebetsu Station (江別駅) to Sapporo station （札幌駅）and add a few kilometers on to it, to compensate for the distance from my house to Ebetsu station, and also for the fact that alot of the time I went through residential roads, which it turns out double back on themselves alot. I'm telling you, whoever designed the road system in Shiroishi has made an enemy for life!
This is the first, non-Ebetsu station I passed- I hadn't decided to write about this whole ordeal on the blog yet when I rode by Ebetsu, so I hope you can forgive me. This is Nopporo, which is kind of a college town. That means that the ammount of people wearing flannel and leather jackets is way above average. Whenever I go for a ride, I pass through this town, which is kind of a fun and tragic glimpse into failed attempts at rebelion. Japanese college guys, its kind of hard to take you seriously when you all proclaim your individuality in the same way... also, you can't be a punk with ridiculous things hanging off your cell phone.
This is fairly typical Hokkaido scenery, at least as far out as I live. You may notice, as this post goes on, that this kind of thing isn't seen as much, and I guess that has something to do with urban sprawl? I don't know, I'm not sure that is the right explanation, and I'm not going to look it up right now.
This is Oasa station, and its kind of the same thing as Nopporo, but more built up. There are electronics stores, and pachinco parlors along the highway that runs alongside the train tracks. If you don't know what pachinco is, its kind of like crazy space pinball that takes all of your money and a good part of your soul, and it attracts salary men like some kind of incredible sadness magnet.
This is Shinrin Koen from afar. At the train station, it proclaims itself to be the "Park Town", but all parks I saw were the kind with decrepit metal structures that children try to climb. I have nothing to say negative about playgrounds, but in a park town, I think I have the right to expect some trees and meandering promenades. Is that to much to ask?
Here is the station close up. For reals, this place is loneliness given physical form. A lot of towering appartments and small row houses, and an awesomely named "FOOD POWER CENTER", and thats about it. I guess everyone here commutes to Sapporo every day to work, because even the most powerful food center needs only like 40 able bodied men to staff it, tops.
This is Atsubetsu. I honestly don't know much about this town except that I passed under a bridge here, and saw the funniest, saddest graffiti ever. It was all done by the same person, I'm pretty sure, and you could see how he developed over time. At first it was just kind of a formless blob, but when I looked at it hard enough, I realized it said "fuf". I kind of just took that for nonsense, but a little further ahead, he had written "Futh", and I kind of saw where things were going. Sure enough, a little while later, I saw "Fuhc", which was pretty close. One or two more tries, and this guy would be defacing public property with the best of them, right? Actualy, no, he seemed to decide that that couldn't be it, and went back to "Futh" for the next couple of times, and then it stopped...

Its official- riding bikes is the coolest thing to do!
I found this picture in a kids magazine yesterday while staying over at my first host family's house. The magazine was full of full color Pokemon diagrams, oragami cats and a punch out Kamen Rider mask...


The reason I was staying over, however, was not to simply sample the best that Japanese children's literature has to offer. My first host mom, who used to teach English at the school I go to, and teaches a college class part time, has started an English program for young children in Tobetsu, the town she lives in, and I was asked to be a guest today. I put on my best foreigner face, practiced smiling and helped the children dye easter eggs... I'm getting less and less confident of my English skills, however... I forgot the word for the thing that puts out fires, and also how to say something is bad in excess... help?


After that, I went to my host grandparents house with the whole family, and the host grandfather had prepared a "homemade entertainment", where he pretend to be a pilot, and made flight announcements in both English and Japanese... It was honestly the coolest thing ever. More people need to tell me the expected arrival time at New York, and what the local temperature is for a purely hypothetical transpacific flight. Honestly, I'm hoping that this catches on- it could be a great new form of entertainment.

"Japan is in the Future- Just look at their Cafe Themes!"- Akaki Kumeri

This is a photo of me and Akaki, after one of the weirdest experiences I have had while in Japan. Before I detail it, I should give some background on the relationship Akaki and I share... Akaki, who is another rotary exchange student here, are the core members of the "super team", an orginizatoin that mostly consists of me and Akaki playing rythm games in arcades and meeting interesting people. He is a Fin, and has an interesting web comic and blog, http://www.pikkutunneilla.com/english/. I suggest checking it out...
Anyway, depending on how much you know about Japan, you may have heard of the maid cafe... It is like a regular cafe, but the waitresses are dressed as maids, use informal pronouns, and make constant conversation with you. Sapporo, the city we live in, has alot of things, but until tonight we didn't think it had a real maid cafe. We went to one in December, but it was more of a maid themed cafe... and a place of incredible, quiet tragedy. A man stared at himself in a full length mirror smoking. Another man dressed all in black played a DS in the corner, not lifting his head in the 40 minutes we were in there. A young woman sat at a table, obviously waiting for someone who, it became increasingly obvious, would not be coming, no matter how many times she looked at her watch. The waitresses themselves seemed ashamed of their jobs, and all of this was overseen from a creepy old man poking his head out from the kitchen, judging everyone... It was a place of congealed human sadness, and also the sandwhich I got wasn't that good, so we kind of figured that the myth of the maid cafe was something exagerated to make Japan seem more wacky than it truly is...
We were wrong. The other day, when I was walking to the movie theater, I saw a signboard for another maid cafe, and suggested to Akaki that we check it out... We finally got around to it today, and let me tell you- Japan is plenty wacky. When we walked in, they didn't seem to know what to do with us... they had no idea we could understand them, and were asking all the patrons for help with English to no avail. We got seats at the counter, and after a while we ordered- Akaki got something called Maidon, and I got Maid Curry... While we were waiting for it to come, I got a phone call, and my ringtone (the Pokemon battle theme) got us involved into a long discussion about the different names of various Nintendo related things in English and Japanese... the man next to me, who had been asleep when we walked in, woke up to tell us what he knew about the translation differences, and then he got really into learning the names of his favorite Pokemon... He was in his late twenties(!), and Akaki started calling him "Tom Hanks", to which he proposed the alternative "Tom Tank". The woman who was serving us, Sho, got involved, and even though I tried to take notes on what went down, I realize that I can never put into words the situation leading up to, or how it feels to be asked by a woman in a pink maid uniform why Pikachu's name stayed the same, but other pokemon didn't... Then, they put an Anime theme song on repeat to try to teach me the dance the characters did... Things when on like that for about an hour, we got our picture taken, and they asked us to return (Part of the maid routine, no doubt)... Oh, and when my curry came, I was spoonfed the first bite. I can say with no doubt that it was in the top 3 most bizare moments of my life.

What I did today

Man, after making my awesome Anton Chigur Mii, I attempted to make miis of other Coen Brother's film characters, to mixed results. This is my failed attempt at Steeve Buscemi's character in Fargo, but how could I expect a mii to capture that much concentrated sleaziness?

This is my slightly better attempt at Barton Fink, but they didn't have the hair. In retrospect, I'm not sure this was a good use of an hour of spring break...


However, I'm pretty sure that my trip to insane wholesale store COSTCO was. My host mom heard that they had American things there, and wanted to take me to advise them on what to get, and I figured that it may be a kind of weird nostalgia for shopping in America, but instead it was a horrible distorted caricature of what shopping might be like in America, with impossibly large shopping carts and a constant stream of 4 year old American pop, and people frequently coming over to make sure you have a members card. I really wonder what would have happened if we didn't... And it wasn't just a formality, either: the COSTCO people seemed pretty ceartin that there was a good chance that we didn't have it. I'm ceartin that retail shopping in Japan is the closest sensation to living in Stalin's Russia that you can find today.
Also, they had giant chocolate.